The CBD Mom

I recently saw a FB article about Moms’ competing with one another and a step-by-step guide on how to deal with this phenomenon. Step number 3 was:
”Let your friend feel that she’s won her self-initiated contest”


There are not a lot of things that can leave me at a loss of words (Thanks to my new laid-back persona courtesy of CBD) but this one is a doozy! Don’t get me wrong, everyone has encountered someone who is always playing comparison or silently competing with you, but this is crazy! Timely in that our Elementary school annual fundraiser is tomorrow night and I can’t help but wonder what Mom personas will shine their brightest in a room full of women pretending like they have their shit together. So, let’s dig a little bit deeper here and during the process, I secretly hope I can figure out what “Mom bucket” I fit into!

I think it’s only fair to begin with the Organic Mom-
“Oh my gosh you guys, it was so crazy, my 3 year old just LOVES to eat our butternut squash from the organic garden I planted last summer. I can hardly even get him to look at one of those Go-gurt things.” Sound familiar? We’ve all heard statements like this and weirdly sometimes I even find myself envying those women and silently scolding myself for our children not eating healthier. For me, I’m just psyched that the half-eaten cracker pack my 3-year-old found on the ground was that expensive organic kind.

Shall we move on to the Perfect Stay at Home Mom? This is the Mom who is 5 minutes early to pre-school drop off and her little girl is dressed in a perfect and non-wrinkled dress with a matching bow. Somehow, it even looks like this little girl’s hair might have been blow-dried and have slept in curlers. (Do people even use Curlers anymore?) Disgustingly, the Mom looks eerily similar with an almost matching outfit and newly applied eyeliner. To make things worse, she’s pushing her twin boys in a double stroller.

“I’m so sorry that you Work Full Time.” Sound familiar! Sadly, I’ve had not one, but several women say this to me. Selfishly, I think this mom is badass! She is rocking the business casual dress code at corporate America accessorized with a fabulous handbag. She rolled in with a huge cup of coffee likely just having had breakfast in the car and she announces she forget to pack her kid’s lunch. Boom. My life.

Sporty Spice Mom- With this one, it can be difficult to tell if she’s really just burned 500 calories at Soul Cycle or if she just got a new pair of Lulu lemons. Or, better yet, maybe she just wants to be comfortable. Unless she looks like she could bench press you with her biceps, this Mom is always pretty approachable.

First Time Mom- Bless this women’s heart! This is the mom who’s hiding behind the playground bushes to make sure her baby is ok at all times. She’s the one who has the teachers cornered for no less than 20 minutes asking questions about if they use organic cleaning supplies for the classroom or is just “stopping by” because she may have forgotten to put the pre-registration paperwork in her child’s backpack. Oh, this is also that friend whose baby shower we attended that got one of those electronic things you put around the baby’s ankle to check if it’s breathing at ALL times. We’ve all been there, but sometimes it’s tough to remember.

Teachers Pet Mom- Weirdly, this Mom has managed to exchange phone numbers with the teacher and on a full-text rotation- DAILY! She’s constantly bringing her coffee and gift cards and always helping in the classroom. It’s likely that this Mom has even convinced the teacher to babysit for her kids on occasion. She’s vying for the teacher’s attention and thinks somehow it will translate into her child being the teacher’s favorite.

I’ve Got This Mom Shit Down Mom-
This isn’t this Mama’s first rodeo! She’s got the morning routine dialed in and practically tosses her toddler at the teacher. She may or may not sign in, has very few questions and she’s got 2 others in her Tahoe for the next drop-off. She is definitely not obsessing over the class’s new artwork wall as she’s been there and done that. This chick is unbothered by it all!

I’m So Busy Mom- Let’s be perfectly clear, all moms are busy, but this woman is professionally busy. She can barely look at you as her face is always stuck or on her phone. She’s constantly shushing her kids and annoyingly telling them “just a minute.’ She can’t be bothered for even a hello and is constantly marching in and out the door. PS- This is also the Mom at the PTA meetings inquiring if they are going to offer a “gifted” program next year.

Play Date Mom- – This may or may not be the Mom always lurking in the corner determining who her child’s next playdate is with. According to her online parenting resources, she’s read about organized meet-ups and is bound and determined to have at least 3 playdates a week. This Mom will constantly flag you down at drop-off or school events and likely is determined to be your friend too.

Of course, we always save the best for last so drumroll, please! This is a newly discovered Mom and hopefully one that each of you ladies will try out to see if it fits.

CBD Press Pause Mom…. This chick is cool as a cucumber. Something about this woman, makes you feel like you don’t want to just watch her and envy her- you want to be her friend. She’s real, she has a genuine smile and you’re determined to find out how she ticks. In fact, she’ll be the first one to tell you how she ticks, and, on most days, she’ll share with you she’s barely ticking. She’s forthcoming in her struggles and not afraid to admit that she’s far from perfect. This woman may or may not have washed her hair that day and was perfectly content with it. She admittedly but confidently suggests that every day, she is doing the very best she can and somedays are better than others. She confidently shares that she’s doing a better job of recognizing the importance of self-care and uses CBD regularly. She reassures you it’s natural, non-intoxicating, and just makes things roll off her shoulders a bit easier.